
I Am a Pancake
by Roseanne Etcheber-Cheng
My husband and I had the opportunity to move to Beijing, Shanghai, or Hong Kong for the job opportunity that took us to Asia. While the cosmopolitan atmosphere of Hong Kong and the diversity of Shanghai were intriguing on some level, in the end the deciding factor was much more simple: in Beijing we would be forced to learn at least the rudiments of Mandarin Chinese, whereas we could probably get by in Hong Kong or Shanghai with English. What is the point, we asked ourselves, of moving to Asia if you’re not going to come back with some of the language to show for it? There is a mystique about Chinese. “I won’t just be learning another language,” I thought arrogantly, “I’ll be learning Chinese.” I imagined myself after my experience, walking the streets of Chinatown in San Francisco, bargaining with the vendors and ignoring the amazed people who stood in awe of me. Beijing it was.
I wanted to get a jumpstart on my Chinese so I bought some language CDs. My first sentence was Wo putonghua shuo de bu hao (My Chinese is not good). I practiced that sentence over and over in my car, much to the confusion of the people driving beside me.
The narrator of the tape kept repeating, “Remember, the tones in Chinese are just as important as the words themselves.”
“Sure,” I thought. “Whatever.”
As the time got closer to the move in 2005, I enrolled in a beginning Chinese class at the junior college in Mountain View, California. I was just as cocky as I could be walking in that first day. I’d listened to four CDs by that point, and was fairly confident that not anyone else in the room could say, “My hotel is near College Street.” I thought I would sit back, relax, and show the room how it’s done. I maintained that level of superiority as several tired high school students walked in the classroom. High schoolers? I thought. Mei wen ti (No problem).
My first day went…bu hao (not good). The problem with my Chinese CDs was that they hadn’t taught me any of the pin yin, which is the English alphabet applied to the Chinese language. When asked to write down my famous sentence, “My Chinese is not good”, my pin yin looked something like this: Wuh poo tong hwa shwouh duh boo how. My teacher looked at me like he thought I must be joking. I certainly wasn’t, but learned quickly that I probably should have pretended I was.
We spent hour after grueling hour repeating the Chinese pin yin sounds. “Bu” could no longer sound like “buh”. It was “boo”. “De” was no longer “dee”, but “duh”. And “Ci” was no longer “Si” but something that sounds a lot like you have every intention of showering the person you are talking to with saliva.
And then there were the tones. The voice in my language CD was right. Knowing how to say any word in Mandarin is of no use unless you know one of the four tones in which it’s said. After I was in Beijing awhile, I learned that the word for grass, cao, if said in the wrong tone, means fuck. The possibilities for offending people are boundless and terrifying.
After the third day in class, the teacher pulled me aside and said “Don’t worry. I’m not going to fail you. I can see you are trying, even though you are the slowest in the class.”
My cheeks burned. “I don’t care what grade you give me!” I snapped. “I’m moving to China in a month and need to learn this to survive.” I mustered all the drama I could.
“Oh my,” my teacher said, clearly concerned. “Well in that case, maybe you should stop taking the tests. You should just focus on learning… whatever you can.”
Surprisingly, by the time I got to China and into the swing of things I learned that the basic phrases I knew were understandable. The only problem was “My hotel is near College Street” was not a sentence I had any use for. I used my Wo putonghua shuo de bu hao every day, but it took me three months before I could say “Where is the bathroom?” correctly (that pesky “ci” sound).
The thing that amazed me the most was meeting foreigners who, at some point in their lives, mastered Chinese. Not every laowai was like me and knew only basic phrases. Many foreigners I met spoke practically perfect Chinese. I seethed with jealousy. I did everything I could to practice my Chinese with strangers, and used every miming gesture and “Chinglish” word I could think of to get people to understand me. That was okay for awhile, and helped me build my vocabulary. But that cocky CD-listening Chinese student I used to be began creeping back into my life again. It resulted in a classic (albeit quite common) experience—I looked like a jackass.
I had been feeling ill for a few days and was sitting in the car on my way home from the international school where I was teaching English. At that point I had been living in China for about six months. Our driver Jack turned to me and said, “Would you like me to take you to dinner tonight?”
I decided that I could answer him in Chinese. I knew how to say, “I am” and had just learned how to say “sick”. I turned to him and said, “Bu yao. Wo she bing.” I emphasized my third tone on the last word, expecting Jack to be the first on my list of Chinese people to be stunned with my language skills.
“And while she’s so sick, to be so clever!” I imagined him telling his wife.
Jack turned his head from me and began giggling. I had never heard him giggle before.
“No, no,” he said, waving his left arm in the air. “You just said, ‘I am a pancake.’”
The narrator on my Chinese CDs began laughing in my left ear. My mean Chinese teacher at the junior college sighed in my right.
If by “being a pancake” I was someone who felt like a total idiot who would never make it out of China with a shred of confidence or dignity, then yes. I most certainly was a pancake.
In an effort to maintain some level of self-respect in the expat community I enrolled in one-on-one tutoring classes at the Bridge School in Beijing. My tutor was a sweet girl name Li Meng who came to my apartment twice a week for an hour and a half. Our lessons were… what’s the right word?
Painful.
Li Meng had the type of patience that I imagine cloistered nuns to have. She never sighed, never yawned, never gave me a disparaging comment. She didn’t giggle at me when it took me five painstaking minutes to tell her the following:
In the morning, I wake up. I take a shower. I make breakfast. I eat breakfast. I go to school. I work. I come home. I work out. I go to sleep.
I went through with these bi-weekly lessons for about six months and, lo and behold, my Chinese got better. Things people said to me started making sense. I knew one Saturday when I made the unforgivable mistake of going to IKEA during a sale and I was able to say, “Don’t touch me!” to the people that were shoving me out of my place in line, that I had reached a real turning point in language acquisition.
What happened next is tantamount to being told I must learn to fly or breathe underwater. Li Meng told me that I had finished the two introduction books from the Bridge School and if I wanted to go on in my learning I would have to learn Chinese characters.
“But why?” I pleaded. “Can’t we just keep using pin yin? What’s wrong with that?”
“Pin yin is just there to help you learn the basics. You cannot be fluent in Chinese until you know characters. It is not so bad, you’ll see.”
Mentally, I was transported back to my junior college class in California. My teacher there had also tried to teach me Chinese characters. My rendition of ni hao (hello) looked not like a child had written it—that would have been a compliment. My characters looked something like adolescent drawings of houses with smoky chimneys and squiggly lines representing birds flying in the sky, only bigger. Much bigger.
Some of my foreign friends in China who spoke Chinese offered this friendly piece of advice: “Don’t worry about writing the characters, just worry about recognizing them.” That would be sound advice except for one, tiny detail: I have a terrible visual memory. The idea of having to retain something as complicated and detailed as a Chinese character in my head seemed nothing short of impossible.
I did the only thing I could think to do in my situation: I quit my lessons. By that point I had mastered enough of the language to stumble and stutter my way through most day-to-day activities and didn’t feel the need to do much more. Did I want to? Yes. Did I need to? Well, maybe.
I’ve been back in the US for two years now, and I have yet to wow anyone with my Chinese. I still struggle with tones (most recently I told the Chinese teacher at the high school where I teach that I was feeling very “old”… I meant “tired”). When people who know I spent three years in Beijing ask me if I speak Chinese, I usually reply with a long, rambling, “Uh… well…. Kinda…” This is hardly the success I was going for. But in the end, I look at the woman I was when I left the US, and the woman I am now, and know that my success in Asia isn’t measured in vocabulary words or pronunciation. It’s measured by the guts it took to go there in the first place; the adventures and misadventures that are now part of my story.
Roseanne Etcheber-Cheng is a teacher, writer, and soon-to-be mother who currently calls Minnesota home. When she is not lesson planning she is hanging out with her husband and dog, Daniel. She is currently revising a book of essays about her three years living in China, most of which involve her making a fool of herself in one way or another.
What a great post. I'm sure many an expat can relate to the idea of going abroad with fantasies of being fluent in a second languge and then realizing, actually, its not that easy.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!
Also, I want to thank WriterAbroad. I always enjoy coming to your blog and finding there's been an update.
Thanks for sharing your experiences guys. :)
Hi Herspective,
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading the blog and thanks to Roseanne for sharing her essay.
Learning a language is a challenge. I too had fantasies of being fluent in no time...four years later, I am still struggling to talk correctly. But I give credit to any English speakers that try. It's too easy to get by on English alone in many parts of the world.
Wow - really impressive stuff Roseanne, despite the hiccups (and misunderstandings) along the way.
ReplyDeleteWell done and great post.
LCM x
Great post, Roseanne! Can't wait to read more about your adventures in China.
ReplyDeleteI like to congratulate Roseanne for having the guts to conquer Chinese language, which is the most difficult of all languages. Based on what she wrote in this essay, her Chinese is totally understandable. This essay is well written, humorous, and insightful. An excellent writer is born.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure there are countless expats who can relate to that. So well written, I could totally feel her pain (and embarassment)!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful piece! As an American-born Chinese person who has never mastered Chinese, my hat is off to Roseanne for having the chutzpah (to borrow a word from a different culture) to take on the monumental task of learning that language - and even more, for forcing herself to do so by immersing herself in another country. Regardless of how fluent she believes herself to be in Chinese, the humility and great sense of humor with which she approaches her experience is commendable. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you, Roseanne!
ReplyDeleteThere were many smiles and tears with your coming and going during those three years in China; but what a life-altering experience it was!!
Besides falling in love with Larry, it probably was one of the most positive choices you have ever made. My "Runaway Daughter" has developed into a beautiful compassionate young woman, always the first to think about others and to reach out a helping hand. And, for this, I am eternally grateful!
So, as I compose this message, celebrating yet another Birthday, (I can hardly believe how many!!), I count all my Blessings, especially here and now for the gift of my youngest Daughter, who has grown into a beautiful Wife and soon-to-be Mother.
My prayer is that your Child, (Boy or Girl), will be the same "Light of the World" you have been for me!
I love you, Roseanne!! --MOM
Beautiful post!! I really enjoyed reading it!
ReplyDeleteI have always struggled with languages - never thought I would make it past HS spanish but scraped by with a C. I'd love to move to an non-english speaking country but I worry I couldn't learn the language. Awesome that you did!
Thanks again for sharing, Roseanne.
ReplyDeleteMy main lesson from my struggle with learning language abroad is that if I have kids I will make sure they learn a foreign language when they are young enough to avoid the pain!
burberry sale
ReplyDeleteuggs on sale
clarks shoes outlet
hollister outlet
isabel marant sneakers
louis vuitton outlet store
dansko shoes
manolo blahnik sale
ugg boots outlet
north face jackets
ugg boots clearance
coach factory outlet
moncler jackets
yves saint laurent shoes
canada goose jackets
kd shoes
ugg clearance
gucci outlet
woolrich outlet
belstaff jackets
nike air max 2015
fendi handbags
ugg australia sale uk
cheap ugg boots
official michael kors outlet
moncler outlet
coach factory outlet online
ugg sale
michael kors outlet
tods shoes
parajumpers outlet
uggs clearance
uggs black friday
ReplyDeleteugg boots for women
jordan retro 11
ugg boots for women
moncler outlet
ugg black friday sale
cheap uggs
prada handbags
ugg sale
mcm backpack
cheap uggs for sale
cheap uggs uk
michael kors outlet
ugg boots sale
uggs sale
uggs outlet
ugg boots for kids
pandora jewellery
cheap ugg boots
ugg boots outlet
cheap uggs uk
prada handbags
ugg outlet store
genuine ugg boots
ugg boots cheap
ysl shoes
ugg boots for women
ugg outlet
ugg boots sale
cheap uggs
evening dresses outlet
ReplyDeletemichael kors outlet online,michael kors,kors outlet,michael kors outlet,michael kors handbags,michael kors outlet online sale,michael kors handbags clearance,michael kors purses,michaelkors.com,michael kors bags,michael kors shoes,michaelkors,cheap michael kors
colts jerseys
nike trainers,nike trainers uk,cheap nike trainers,nike shoes uk,cheap nike shoes uk
camisetas futbol baratas
wedding dresses
phil mcconkey jersey,odell beckham jr jersey,michael strahan jersey,chris snee jersey,larry donnell jersey,peyton hillis jersey,carl banks jersey,lawrence taylor jersey,phil mcconkey jersey,justin tuck jersey,michael boley jersey,chase blackburn jersey
oklahoma city thunder jerseys
manchester united soccer jersey
dansko outlet
prada sneakers
arizona cardinals jerseys
ray ban sunglasses
ray ban sunglasses outlet,ray ban sunglasses,ray ban,rayban,ray bans,ray ban outlet,ray-ban,raybans,ray ban wayfarer,ray-ban sunglasses,raybans.com,rayban sunglasses,cheap ray ban
prada outlet
cheap mlb jerseys
air jordan 13
cowboys jerseys
vans shoes
chelsea soccer jersey
nike outlet
bobby orr blackhawks jersey,jeremy roenick authentic jersey,jonathan toews blackhawks jersey,stan mikita blackhawks jersey,corey crawford blackhawks jersey,michael jordan jersey,michal handzus jersey,peter regin jersey
coach outlet
miami heat jersey
the north face clearance
tory burch outlet online
hermes birkin
new york giants jerseys
49ers jersey
the north face outlet store
a chang 0627
2015-7-8 xiaozhengm
ReplyDeletecoach outlet online
oakley sunglass
kate spade
kate spade outlet
tory burch outlet online
tory burch outlet
burberry scarf
coach outlet online
oakley sunglasses wholesale
borse gucci
nike air force
air max 95
nike blazer low
polo ralph lauren outlet
oakley sunglasses outlet
tory burch shoes
pandora jewelry
true religion jeans
michael kors handbags
pandora charms
ed hardy
michael kors handbag
true religion outlet
soccer shoes
nike tn
tory burch handbags
prada outlet
fitflops outlet
cheap ray ban sunglasses
coach outlet
ray ban sunglasses
burberry outlet online
cheap ray ban sunglasses
louboutin
cheap soccer shoes
michael kors handbag
air max shoes
burberry sale
abercrombie
louboutin pas cher
15711meiqing
ReplyDeletefendi
yoga pants
abercrombie
louboutin
christian louboutin
adidas running shoes
abercrombie
jordan 8 playoffs
true religion
tory burch outlet
polo ralph lauren
jordan 11 concord
nhl jerseys
ray ban wayfarer
abercrombie
nike air max uk
louis vuitton
fake oakleys
louboutin femme
christian louboutin shoes
coach factory outlet
hollister clothing
louboutin pas cher
gucci
cheap beats by dre
toms promo code
copy watches
abercrombie & fitch
football shoes
christian louboutin outlet
kobe bryant shoes
true religion outlet
true religion sale
hollister clothing store
timberland boots
coach factory outlet online
air jordan retro
hollister kids
lululemon
michael kors handbags
crx123
ReplyDeletesu michael kors purses kate spade outlet candidato coach outlet
online omega watches fuese ralph lauren uk rolex watches for sale la oakley outlet hollister online única converse outlet moncler women jackets
posibilidad ray ban outlet louis vuitton para bebe
dresses nike free afianzar puma louboutin shoes el michael kors chanel sunglasses poder
true religion outlet nike air max polÃtico uggs adidas superstar en prada outlet uggs outlet el tommy hilfiger
online shop nike outlet store ejecutivo vans coach factory store y nfl jerseys swarovski en coach bags p90x workout schedule el
ralph lauren uk kate spade legislativo, hollister ralph lauren uk aún cheap boots north face y nike air
max thomas sabo cuando oakley cheap
barbour jackets éste north face outlet timberland outlet está north face jackets adidas
chicago bulls
ReplyDeletemlb jerseys
michael kors wallet sale
nike foamposite
cleveland cavaliers
washington redskins
basketball shoes,basketball sneakers,lebron james shoes,sports shoes,kobe bryant shoes,kobe sneakers,nike basketball shoes,running shoes,mens sport shoes,nike shoes
nike air huarache
parajumpers outlet
nike air huarache
north face outlet
nike free 5
new balance shoes
giuseppe zanotti outlet
ysl outlet
michael kors outlet
barbour jackets
snow boots
michael kors outlet online
karen millen uk
mm1028
chenlina20151215
ReplyDeletecheap uggs
michael kors outlet online
canada goose outlet online
hollister co,hollister jeans,hollister.com,hollister ca
ray ban sunglasses outlet
replica watches
cheap uggs
cheap uggs for sale
tiffany and co
gucci outlet
uggs clearance
louis vuitton handbags
louis vuitton
coach factory outlet
north face outlet
cheap oakley sunglasses
chanel bags
kate spade handbags
louis vuitton handbags
toms outlet
cheap air jordans
michael kors outlet online
ugg boots
pandora jewelry
ralph lauren outlet
mulberry handbags
uggs for men
toms shoes
coach outlet store online
ugg boots
longchamp outlet
abercrombie and fitch
true religion jeans outlet
michael kors outlet
giuseppe zanotti
oakley sunglasses
ugg boots
coach outlet
air max 95
ugg boots
as
louboutin shoes
ReplyDeleteCheap North Face Jackets
abercrombie and fitch coupons
jordan 11
north face outlet store
burberry outlet
columbia clothing outlet
reebok shoes
coach handbags
gucci
abercrombie & fitch
nike
rolex
jordan
coach
nike nfl
hermes outlet online
Ugg Boots On Sale 70% Off
gucci handbags
michael kors store
nike basketball shoes
air jordan shoes for sale
prada sunglasses
michael kors handbags clearance 75% off
vans shoes
MK Bags
dior outlet store
christian louboutin
michael kors outlet
coach
cheap jordan shoes
hollister outlet store
christian louboutin
nike free
coach sale
Michael Kors Purses
north face factory outlet
michael kors outlet online sale
michael kors outlet
hermes outlet
jordan
air jordan 13
nike discount
cheap jordan 11
Coach Purse
Coach Factory Outlet
Coach Handbags Sale
North Face Jackets Clearance
prada
qwe12.19
true religion jeans
ReplyDeletemichael kors uk
tory burch outlet
ugg boots
toms shoes
lululemon outlet
ray ban sunglasses
true religion sale
jordan shoes
hollister clothing
football shirts
true religion jeans
ralph lauren uk
kate spade handbags
nike huarache
tiffany and co jewelry
polo ralph lauren
coach outlet
cheap replica watches
swarovski crystal
michael kors outlet
kate spade handbags
nike air force 1
michael kors outlet
ray ban sunglasses
pandora jewelry
coach outlet online
ralph lauren uk
fitflops outlet
longchamp outlet
moncler jackets
michael kors outlet online
adidas wings
longchamp outlet
cheap nhl jerseys
ghd hair straighteners
the north face clearance
jordan shoes
christian louboutin
michael kors online
1230maoqiuyun
chenlina20160119
ReplyDeletemichael kors outlet
coach outlet store online
chanel outlet
christian louboutin outlet
oakley sunglasses
ugg boots for women
coach factory outlet
ugg boots
ray ban sunglasses
ugg boots
ray ban sunglasses
lebron shoes
uggs outlet
uggs boots
hollister shirts
replica watches
louis vuitton purses
ralph lauren outlet
uggs boots
kids lebron shoes
cheap nfl jerseys
timberland outlet
gucci outlet
gucci outlet
michael kors uk
michael kors outlet clearance
jordan 11 concord
louis vuitton outlet
cheap ugg boots
cheap air max
coach factory outlet
nba jerseys
louis vuitton outlet stores
michael kors outlet
polo ralph lauren outlet
cheap uggs
ugg outlet
gucci shoes
uggs sale
michael kors outlet online
as
Another tip is to abutting the almanac you accept the acclaim accuse achievement deducted from if possible. You care to alpha addition almanac afore you abutting your present almanac and in no way, appearance or form, get payday credits beneath the new record. You accept to amusement the payday development affection like an abuse. Payday Loans San-diego
ReplyDeletecoach outlet
ReplyDeletemichael kors outlet
beats by dre
ray-ban sunglasses
polo ralph lauren
air max 90
ralph lauren outlet
nike blazer pas cher
dior sunglasses
louis vuitton outlet stores
air force 1 shoes
louis vuitton outlet
montblanc pens
mont blanc pens
christian louboutin shoes
swarovski crystal
true religion jeans
louis vuitton bags cheap
toms shoes
air max 2015
ferragamo outlet
michael kors factory outlet
nike huarache
cheap snapbacks
michael kors outlet
prada sunglasses
michael kors wallet sale
oakley sunglasses
michael kors wholesale
michael kors handbags
louis vuitton bags
true religion jeans
polo ralph lauren
tiffany jewelry
ray ban sunglasses
16.6.17qqqqqing
vans shoes
ReplyDeleteadidas nmd
michael kors handbags
polo ralph lauren
air max 90
true religion outlet
louis vuitton outlet
coach outlet store online
coach outlet
jordan 11s
jordan shoes
ralph lauren uk
gucci bags
nike air max
louis vuitton outlet
coach outlet
nike roshe flyknit
oakley sunglasses
oakley sunglasses
michael kors outlet
nike nfl jerseys
michael kors handbags
basketball shoes
christian louboutin outlet
coach outlet store online
coach factory outlet
gucci handbags
adidas shoes
adidas originals
coach outlet store online
true religion shorts
juicy couture
louis vuitton outlet
nike air max
pandora jewelry
coach factory outlet
jordan 8s
rolex watches
toms shoes
coach outlet store online
2016.7.22haungqin
the north face outlet
ReplyDeleteugg sale
fitflops
louis vuitton outlet online
michael kors outlet online
polo ralph lauren
coach outlet store online
cheap jordans
michael kors purses
omega replica watches
valentino outlet
uggs canada
hollister clothing store
abercrombie outlet
longchamp bag
air force 1
instyler max
ray ban sunglasses
fitflops sale clearance
nike cortez
timberland boots outlet
christian louboutin sale
cheap nfl jerseys
puma shoes
oakley sunglasses
asics shoes
jimmy choo outlet
nike air max 90
moncler outlet online
versace
uggs on sale
canada goose uk
2016726yuanyuan
humanscaleseating, wholesale nfl jerseys, cheap jerseys free shipping, wholesale nfl jerseys, cheap nfl jerseys, wholesale jerseys, learningwarereviews, cheap jerseys from china, wholesale nfl jerseys from china, cheap jerseys, cheap nfl jerseys from china, wholesale jerseys, wholesale jerseys from china, guyglodis, cheap nfl jerseys, cheap jerseys from china, wholesale nfl jerseys free shipping, cheap jerseys
ReplyDeletenike outlet
ReplyDeletejordan shoes
cheap michael kors handbags
air jordan uk
michael kors outlet online
ed hardy
michael kors handbags
chaussure louboutin
ed hardy uk
michael kors handbags outlet
toms outlet
ReplyDeletecolts jerseys
michael kors handbags wholesale
oakley sunglasses
coach
nike tn pas cher
ugg outlet
jimmy choo
michael kors handbags
ugg boots
mt0927
ReplyDeletepandora charms sale clearance
toms shoes outlet
ralph lauren outlet
ugg boots
valentino shoes
air jordan shoes
north face outlet
oakley sunglasses
michael kors factory outlet
ugg boots
All the write-up could be very wonderful combined with important for everyone. You’ve developed this approach really well. My spouse and I recognize succeed. At this time follow here check cashing Philadelphia Regards just for submission.
ReplyDeleteNot an easy language.
ReplyDeletefitflops sale clearance
ReplyDeletelongchamp outlet
calvin klein outlet
ralph lauren uk
red bottoms
mbt shoes online
nike air force 1
lebron 10
michael kors
kyrie 4
golden goose outlet
ReplyDeletecurry 7
balenciaga speed
kyrie 6
nike shox
kobe shoes
birkin bag
supreme clothing
supreme hoodie
giannis shoes